It frustrates him even more, knowing that their community is so tight and placated that he’s afraid to even try. Surrounded by people living through the same struggles he has, surrounded by his family and friends he’s grown up with, he feels alone. There’s the fear of rejection, even further outcasting, if he dares to shake the foundations of their community. He needs something big for the change he’d like to see, something way bigger than himself.
The meager sun that was peeking through the gray clouds set quickly. With the dying light, Brennon looks out one more time into the open sea. He sees the ruined boardwalk that runs along the sandy coast, the rocky outcrops that break the waves, and the small fleet of fishing boats bobbing up and down with the tide.
Brennan breathes in the salty air and imagines himself setting off in one of those boats. Just him and his boat paddling against the current and looking back to see the ever shrinking shapes of the settlement. He dreams of escape just as much as he does revolution, torn between two paths of his future knowing that they’re just out of reach. The paths that are just beyond his view, hidden by bushes of logistics and leaves of cowardice. He knows that if he keeps his head down, if he doesn’t look hard enough, he’ll end up just like Henry and everyone else.
How could he possibly make it far enough to find a better place to settle? Would there even be other people out there that would take him in? What about his family? Would they come with him? All of these questions plague his thoughts when he allows his dreams to run wild in his brain. The blissful escapism of the potential future turning into another source of anxiety.
Brennan sighs, stretching up to relieve the ache in his bones from sitting on the porch drenching in the rain. “One day,” Brennan thinks, “One day I’ll pack my things and go.” He wants to go far, as far as the currents take him. Maybe one day, but today won’t be the day. Maybe one day, when his body isn’t so tired and broken from a hard day’s work.